- Old Navy (or "Old Maybe" if you're T-man) Scooby Doo Plush: $5
- Pizza kids meal and a salad for mom at California Pizza Kitchen: $20
- Arcade games: $1.50
- Watching Inspector Gadget on Netflix (or "Net Flick" if you're T-man): FREE
- Seeing the smile on his face: truly PRICELESS.
Children are so precious. I have seen a blog post featured on several facebook pages and pinterest pins called "Don't Carpe Diem", and honestly...it really bothered me. In fact I sort of hated it. Is being a mom hard (click on blue enlarged words to see proof in past posts...)? ABSOLUTELY! Motherhood is not for WIMPS! Wiping bums, buying diapers, cooking meals, finger prints everywhere, piles of laundry - yes, it can be monotonous. Whining, crying, nagging, fits - sure, ANNOYING! Have there been moments I've "hated being a mom" (note the drama)...sure...But like it or LUMP IT, the kids are going to be grown before you know it. And I PROMISE you are going to miss the small things. You are going to miss the annoying things. You are going to miss it ALL. You are going to wish you could be right back where you are right now. Unless of course you master Presence - I'm TRYING to get there. My point is, quit wishing (er...whining) today away! (This goes for ME as much or more than anyone else.) It's not about guilt or shame, its about perspective. The laundry, the house, cooking a delicious and nutritious meal? None of it will matter in the long run. There will be plenty of time for crafting and scrap booking and having a meticulous house. I'm not saying we shouldn't have our hobbies and be balanced. We all know that we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of anyone else.
My point is this - I have two children, both boys, born 5 years apart. I'm a real minority in "Mormon-Land". I would love to have more children but it hasn't been in the "plan" - I've miscarried 6 times. I am truly grateful for the two that I have. I know that a lot of people don't even have one child. Still, my heart aches at times and my arms feel empty. I didn't see my life this way. I was "supposed" to have 3 or 4, each born 3 years apart, and I was totally having at least one daughter. I always thought that at the very least, I would have one more child after T-man...had I known then what I know now, would I have enjoyed the simple things more? I'd like to think so. I would have held my babies more and let the house go. I took "those moments" for granted. And I'll never have them back. I would have whined less, and loved more. And so, at 38 1/2 years old, I am pursuing the fertility train just one last time in hopes that I can go back "there". Back to the place that I often whined, griped, moaned and complained about.
My youngest challenged me in so many ways. He is one strong and determined spirit! I struggled with it for years. I punished him for it, and then I punished myself for punishing him. It was miserable at times. And then someone said something to me that changed my life...she said, "You know. Sometimes I act like that. I slam doors, yell and throw adult fits. And when I act ugly like that, I feel really ugly and unloveable. And if I stop and think about it, what I really want is to know that I'm loveable. So maybe if you just picked him up and hugged him close and told him that you love him even though he's acting that way it would have a positive effect." I thought she was crazy and set out to prove it. And guess what...it WORKED! He and I have had a wonderful relationship ever since. I can't go back and change the past, but I can and absolutely WILL - CARPE DIEM. Because what I DO have, is today.
6 comments:
I love you! I read the post you mentioned and have to admit, I really liked it. I felt like she put into words what we often times feel...and a lot of it was just humorous to me. That aside, I agree we need to carpe diem when it comes to loving our kids a day at a time. However, sometimes thinking beyond that is too overwhelming! And best of luck with the fertility world - been there, done that and am wishing you guys the best! Please call or email if you get emotional and need a shoulder to cry/vent on as you head down that road. I think a vacay to the North Shore would help, too. :) Hugs.
Do you know how amazing you are? Ditto to everything you wrote...
I caught a little heck for my own personal 'rebel yell' against that post. I am a KAIROS girl ALL THE WAY BABE!
Great post! Thanks for that.
Niki do you have any idea in the world how much I adore you? I know we have spent so little time in each others prescences but I read the things you write and I like you. This life took me on a journey that I never wanted to travel. I spent way too many years lost in the pain of the life I didn't want. What a blessing that my journey took me to rock bottom so I could wake up to the life that was waiting right in front of me. Every day, I get to choose joy. Yes there are parts of my life that are still very hard, but I get to pick how I feel in each of those moments. I didn't read the Carpe Deim article when I seen it posted on facebook. I have already made that mistake and I will never wish a moment of my life away again. Covered in vomit, calls from teachers, everything that goes along with this life, I want it all. Over the last year I feel like I keep getting the same lesson, the same message the same awakeing, this whole life is about relationships. Protect the ones that matter cherish them, invest in there growth and find joy in the moment. When I read what you write I know you already get this, like I said Niki I adore you. Every moment, every single breathe we take is a gift.
I love it. You are one wise momma.
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